


tell me it's okay (if i ask you to stay)

by givebackmylifecas



Category: La casa de papel | Money Heist (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Canon-Typical Behavior, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending, Hurt Palermo | Martín Berrote, M/M, Season/Series 04, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-12
Updated: 2020-11-12
Packaged: 2021-03-09 21:35:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,666
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27533107
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/givebackmylifecas/pseuds/givebackmylifecas
Summary: The remote is still firmly in Palermo’s hand as Helsinki clutches the mines tightly and steps towards him.“If you leave, Palermo, I swear I’ll go boom, boom, ciao,” Helsinki says, looking Palermo dead in the eye.Palermo’s face twitches – there’s a tremor in his bottom lip and how the hell did none of them see how close to the edge their leader is?a reworking of s4e2 where palermo tries to leave the bank
Relationships: Helsinki | Mirko Dragic/Palermo | Martín Berrote
Comments: 8
Kudos: 46





	tell me it's okay (if i ask you to stay)

**Author's Note:**

> i haven't done helermo properly in a while, so here you go!
> 
> TWs: canon typical swearing and derogatory language, canon suicide attempt and discussion thereof (palermo was trying to kill himself by leaving the bank, you can't tell me otherwise), canon-typical injuries
> 
> title from the song 'it's a shame' by first aid kit

The surgery was a success – at least he hopes so. Helsinki walks alongside the gurney as they wheel Nairobi into one of the offices. Her face is pale and ashy, making the blood still spattered across her skin look brighter, even more red.

“What are we going to do about Palermo?” Denver asks quietly. “Tokyo was really pissed.”

Helsinki shakes his head in answer. “I don’t know.”

“He was right,” Stockholm says, so quietly he almost misses it.

Denver frowns at her. “What?”

Stockholm doesn’t lower her gaze, staring defiantly at her husband. “Palermo was right. We were all too worried about Nairobi to see clearly… I think he saved her life by not letting her leave.”

“But the police wouldn’t have let her die?” Helsinki asks, thinking of Palermo’s face when he refused to knock Nairobi out.

“Look at what they did to Rio!” Stockholm says. “They used Nairobi’s son as bait!”

“Palermo let the bear in!” Denver insists.

“Nairobi would have gone and got it anyway,” she tells him. “Before she was shot, we talked… she would have gone and got it. And we should have stopped Tokyo from taking over from Palermo.”

Denver’s jaw clenches and he turns away, storming out of the room.

“You’re right,” Helsinki says.

He looks down at Nairobi, who looks so much smaller than she usually does. Nairobi wasn’t made to lie still and silent in a make-shift hospital bed, with shallow breaths barely making her chest move. She was made to wear bright clothes and sing loudly and dance under the stars like they did in Argentina.

His eyes are swimming with tears and he feels Stockholm lay a gentle hand on his shoulder. He sniffs and looks over at her, eyes large in her narrow face.

“She’ll be okay,” she says softly. “We made the right call, we got the bullet out.”

He shakes his head. “Palermo made the call. And in return? We held guns in his face.”

Stockholm squeezes his shoulder. “It will be okay.”

“How do you know?”

“I don’t,” she admits. “But I have to hope so. I have a son to return to.”

Helsinki smiles at her. “He’s a good boy. You’re lucky to have him to go back to when this over.”

“And you? What are you going to do when this is all over?” Stockholm asks gently and he shrugs. “You and Palermo, you could –“

The sound of a gunshot rips through the air and Helsinki stares at Stockholm in horror.

“What’s going on?” she asks.

He doesn’t reply, just runs. His footsteps echo in the hallway and he swears when there’s another shot. The closer he gets to the entrance hall, the louder the voices get. Tokyo is yelling and so is Palermo, their voices a cacophony of anger and venom.

He reaches the top of the stairs, skipping steps in his hurry to get down them. He can see Palermo, dressed in a black suit, standing in front of the door. Tokyo is between him and the hostages, her gun pointed at him.

Their voices are quieter now, their words too softly spoken for Helsinki to understand. But he doesn’t need to hear them to know what’s going on. He sees the claymores on the floor, the remote in Palermo’s hand and the desperation in his eyes.

“Palermo!” Helsinki yells as he practically throws himself down the stairs. “Don’t move.”

He puts his hands in the air, trying to look as non-threatening as possible.

Palermo smirks, throwing his head back as he speaks, his words sharp and acerbic. “Oh good, the mad princess came to wave her prince goodbye at the station. Have some dignity, Helsinki!”

Helsinki ignores the barbed insult. “Where are you going? To prison? To get shot in the forehead? To sell us out?”

“I won’t sell anyone out,” Palermo insists. “I have a safeguard: state secrets. I won’t betray you.”

Palermo holds up a briefcase and if he were a crueller man, Helsinki would laugh. Because as soon as he said it, he knew Palermo had no intention of doing anything except leaving the bank and letting the police kill him like they killed Berlin.

“Leaving is betrayal,” Helsinki tells him, because he doesn’t know what else to say, doesn’t know how to beg Palermo not to throw away his own life. “Leaving us alone here is betrayal.”

Palermo lifts the remote. “Don’t move, I don’t want to kill you, big man.”

Helsinki actually believes him, it might be the only true thing Palermo has said so far.

“You don’t want to kill me?” he asks and then bends over to pick up one of the mines.

He tries to stay calm. He’s calling Palermo’s bluff, banking on the feelings he knows are there, even if none of the others – including Palermo himself – can see them. Palermo draws a sharp breath.

“You’ll have to kill me,” Helsinki tells him as he picks up the other mine.

“What you’re doing is crazy, Helsinki!” Palermo says, a pleading edge to his voice, as if he isn’t the one trying to walk out of the bank in the middle of the heist.

The remote is still firmly in Palermo’s hand as Helsinki clutches the mines tightly and steps towards him.

“If you leave, Palermo, I swear I’ll go boom, boom, ciao,” Helsinki says, looking Palermo dead in the eye.

Absurdly, he wonders how much Palermo can even see – whether he can see just how much Helsinki is sweating, how his hands are shaking. Can he see Tokyo and Matías behind him?

Palermo’s face twitches – there’s a tremor in his bottom lip and how the hell did none of them see how close to the edge their leader is?

“I’m serious, Palermo. I will.” He’s so close now, he can see the glassy sheen to Palermo’s gaze. “Seriously.”

He takes one more step and lunges, wrapping his arms around Palermo, burying his face in his neck. Palermo is shaking from head to toe and Helsinki holds him tighter.

“I got you,” he whispers and kisses Palermo’s neck, which makes the other man tense even as he presses closer.

He can hear Tokyo step up behind him and he breathes a sigh of relief when she pulls the remote from Palermo’s hand. She circles round and takes the mines off him once she’s deactivated the charge and he focusses on Palermo’s fingers curling into the shoulders of his jumpsuit.

He presses one hand to the back of Palermo’s head, the other to the dip in his spine. “Shh, it’s okay, I’ve got you.”

There’s silence, a moment of peace as they hold each other. Helsinki knows the exact moment they need to move, because Palermo stiffens in his arms and he knows that there’s nothing stopping Palermo trying to leave again even without the bombs.

“Come on,” he says, moving so he still has an arm around Palermo. “Let’s go.”

He leads Palermo down one of the corridors, and into an office. He’s aware of Tokyo following and the minute he gets Palermo through the door, he turns and blocks her from entering.

“Let me in, Helsinki,” she demands, dark eyes flashing.

He shakes his head. “No, let me talk to him alone.”

She stares at him, he can practically see her brain working through the options. “Fine, but when you’re done… talking, you need to tie him up with the security guards. He’s a traitor.”

She turns on her heel and leaves before he can disagree. He sighs and goes into the office, closing the door behind him. Palermo is pacing the room like a caged tiger, practically vibrating with nervous energy.

“What did she say?” he demands, the minute Helsinki closes the door. “What did that fucking bitch say to you?”

Helsinki raises his hands. “She said that we could talk.”

Palermo clenches his jaw. “What else?”

“That you’re a traitor and I should tie you up with the security guards.”

Palermo’s across the room, hands curled into the fabric of Helsinki’s jumpsuit before he can blink.

“You can’t,” he says, his eyes wide. “Helsinki, you can’t. Let me leave or fucking shoot me yourself but you can’t tie me up and throw me to the hostages.”

“What? Palermo, what are you talking about?” Helsinki asks, bewildered by the desperation on Palermo’s face.

If possible, Palermo clenches his hands even tighter. “Promise me. Please, Helsinki. Promise me.”

Helsinki nods, one hand cupping Palermo’s face. “Calm down, Palermo, calm.”

“No! I will not be chained up like a dog. Not next to Gandia, who wants to fucking kill me!” he yells.

“Palermo, you tried to leave! You have to face the consequences.”

“Because Tokyo took my plan from me. You all turned on me, because I didn’t want to turn Nairobi over to the fucking police! What did you fucking expect me to do?”

Helsinki sighs. “It’s not just your plan anymore, Palermo. And what does it matter who’s in charge? We got Rio back and we’re getting the gold.”

Palermo shakes his head, eyes wet. “It matters. This is all I have left, Helsinki. This plan. That’s it. If I’m not in charge, then I might as well be dead.”

A tear makes its way down Palermo’s cheek and Helsinki wipes it away. “You mean that, don’t you? That you’d rather be dead?”

Palermo holds his gaze for a moment, before pulling away, finally releasing Helsinki’s jumpsuit. “Of course I fucking mean it. I’ve given you the options Helsinki, either let me leave or shoot me yourself, you god-damn coward!”

“Or what?” Helsinki demands. “You've already proved you won’t hurt me, so what are you going to do, if I say no, Palermo?”

He moves towards Palermo again, almost exactly like he did in the entrance hall – although at least this time he isn’t holding mines.

“What are you going to do?”

Palermo swallows hard, jaw clenching. “Why are you making this so fucking difficult?”

“Because I care about you.” Helsinki would laugh at the incredulity on the other man’s face if it weren’t so sad. “I’m being serious,” he says, when Palermo doesn’t speak.

“Why?” Palermo eventually says.

His arms are crossed over his chest, eyes wary and Helsinki could ask something cliché like ‘who hurt you?’, but he’s fairly sure he already knows the answer.

“Why not?” he retorts.

Palermo scoffs. “Don’t be fucking clever, Helsinki. You can’t just… You can’t say things like that.”

“Why not?” Helsinki repeats. “I like you too much to let you throw your life away. You matter to me.”

“But why?” Palermo demands and Helsinki surges forward and kisses him.

It’s rougher than he means it to be, desperation making him clumsy. But Palermo just told him he wants to die and Helsinki doesn’t know how else to tell him that he couldn’t live with himself if he let that happen. He grabs Palermo’s waist hard enough to bruise and Palermo is clutching at him just as desperately.

Palermo’s hands slide round to push at his chest and Helsinki pulls away. Before he can say anything, Palermo is shoving him back until he collapses on the sofa and then he’s pulling himself into Helsinki’s lap.

Palermo kisses furiously, but when Helsinki wraps his arms around his waist, it’s like can’t stop himself from curling closer. His hands go to the zipper of Helsinki’s jumpsuit and Helsinki pushes them away.

“Wait, Palermo, what are you doing?” he asks, out of breath.

Palermo frowns. “Undressing you. Can’t fuck with this suit on.”

Helsinki shakes his head and cups the back of Palermo’s neck. “I’m not having sex with you now.”

“Then why did you kiss me?” There’s honest confusion on his face.

“Because I – I told you, I care about you. You’re important to me.”

“Why? It doesn’t make sense, Helsinki.”

Helsinki shrugs. “Not everything has to make sense, Palermo. Feelings aren’t logical.” Palermo shakes his head, but Helsinki continues before he can speak. “You’re an asshole. You’re erratic and you’re rude, but you’re also smart and passionate and brave and I like you.”

Palermo stares at him, face an impassive mask. “You think I’m an asshole?”

“You know you are,” Helsinki says. “I won’t lie to you.”

“No, I don’t think you would,” Palermo says slowly, as if he’s thinking it over. “I notice you forgot to mention my good looks – and the fact that I’m a good fuck.”

“I thought those were slightly less important,” Helsinki says and Palermo smirks even though his eyes soften quickly.

“You like me?” he asks, gaze never leaving Helsinki’s.

“I do. You knew that, you taunted Nairobi with it.”

If Helsinki didn’t know better, he’d say Palermo looks guilty. “I did... but thinking it is different from hearing it. So you like me – what was it you said? You like me too much to let me throw my life away? But you’re still going to let them tie me up.”

Helsinki sighs. “Palermo –“

He’s interrupted by Palermo’s roughly callused hand settling over his mouth.

“No, Helsinki, listen. Tell me honestly you think Tokyo was right and I was wrong. Tell me you think that I put Nairobi at more risk by keeping her here. Tell me you think I was really going to walk out of the bank and betray you,” Palermo says, his eyes steely and his jaw set, even though he’s still straddling Helsinki’s lap.

Palermo removes his hand and Helsinki thinks about Nairobi bleeding out in front of him and Stockholm’s hand on his shoulder as she tells him that Palermo was right and Palermo’s body under his hands when they were still in the monastery and how he shook in his arms when he stopped him from leaving the bank.

“I can’t,” he says. “I won’t let them put you with the hostages. I’ll talk to the Professor for you.”

Palermo relaxes and the corner of his mouth twitches. “I’ll handle Sergio, I just need to know you’ll back me up against the others.”

Helsinki nods. “I will.”

Palermo kisses him, one hand on his cheek and the other on the back of his neck and Helsinki pulls him close. He strokes Palermo’s back, feeling his way down his spine.

“Palermo?” he asks softly. “If I support you against them, I need you to promise me you won’t try and leave again. That you won’t do anything reckless.”

“You’re desperate to get me out of here alive, aren’t you?” Palermo asks with a smirk.

“Yes,” Helsinki says seriously.

Palermo sighs, the smirk sliding from his face. “Fuck, what are you doing to me?”

“Nothing.”

“You’re a liar, big guy. You know exactly what you're doing,” Palermo says. “Fine, I won’t do anything ‘reckless’, if you stop that bitch Tokyo from trying to shoot me or tie me up.”

Helsinki nods. “Deal.”

Palermo kisses him again, more gently this time, then slides off his lap. He holds out his hand and pulls Helsinki to his feet. He keeps their fingers linked together until they get to the door.

“Come on, let’s go get my heist back under control,” Palermo says, all casual arrogance and Helsinki wipes at the tear tracks still visible on Palermo's face. face.

Palermo frowns, but doesn’t bat his hand away. They walk out into the hallway and Helsinki watches Palermo fussing with the lapels of his suit.

“Palermo?”

“Hmm?” he asks, looking up at Helsinki.

“What was in the briefcase?” Helsinki asks and Palermo laughs.

“Muffins.”

Helsinki frowns. “Muffins? Not state secrets?”

“Nope, just muffins.”

"You're a reckless fucking idiot," Helsinki grumbles and Palermo brushes his fingers down his wrist.

"But you like me anyway."

Helsinki smiles at him and squeezes his hand. "I do."

"I... like you too," Palermo admits quietly. "I'm going to get you out of here."

"We'll get out of here together," Helsinki promises him and the fact that Palermo doesn't argue seems like enough of a win for the moment.

**Author's Note:**

> hope you liked this, i know it's ooc but i didn't want it to be all doom and gloom
> 
> if you liked it maybe consider leaving kudos/comments or come scream at me on tumblr ([@hefellfordean](https://hefellfordean.tumblr.com)) or twitter ([@angstypalermo](https://twitter.com/angstypalermo)) if you like


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